Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
