she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
