i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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