The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
