the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
