saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
