Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My vagina is officially offended.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
