i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize