VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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