I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
