We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
