maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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