he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize