i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
