if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
