Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
