Your face is a jimmy john
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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