I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
