Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Randomize
