i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
