Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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