I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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