so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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