We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
