Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
