Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
