our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
