so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
