a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
