i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
