and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My balls are so social today.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
