well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
