Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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