He kissed a someone with a penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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