Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
