My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
