Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
