see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
