I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
