her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
