It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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