I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
