Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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