There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can I color on your dick again?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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