I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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