I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
