Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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