And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
