sarcasm needs its own font
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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