when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
