hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
