Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
