I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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