Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
