my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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