she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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