Someone shit on the floor
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
