I got chris browned last night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
