so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize