I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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