sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
