Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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