its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
