We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
