If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
