She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
