she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize