Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
