Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
