so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
we're so committed to being not committed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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