is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
