Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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