I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
