You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
