i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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